june 4 2008

well been staying in a shelter since saturday. been rough for me to study cant focus and cant do anything except obsess over cutting...well i fucked up monday and cut but not too bad...i had been looking for an excuse and when i got the reason to use as an excuse i instantly did it like i was on autopilot...well in the long run i am feeling miserable and having a difficult time and can not stand life at this time...i want to just quit school and say fuck everything but havent so right now i am managing and crying alot and falling apart instead...the shelter is difficult have to be out by 830 in am and can not come back in until 5 pm and have to be in by 10 pm but i try to be in bed by 9 and there is a resident meeting tonight at 10 pm and i have to get up by 5 just to catch 615 bus to catch 715 bus just to get to college at 730 for my 8 am class and i am emotionally crashing and feel like i am going to end up in the hospital soon and i know it will fuck up my schooling but i might just end up killing myself instead