Some of these posts speak of my abuse. Some speak of the loss of my children and the grief and despair I faced through that. Much of it talks about my battle I fight with mental illness. The suicidal thoughts and attempts. The self harm.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
today
Well today has been a pretty good day so far i guess. atmy friends house tilling up the area for the peppers for the salsa shack and she is clearing out hte camping area. That is where i will be staying for the summer and trying to figure out who i am who i want to be and what i want to do for my future. It is going to give me the time and spcae to work on me and maybe get somewhere. I am sure this summer will not be easy and all this work i need to and want to do over the next few months is going to be emotionally hard but i hope it gives me hope and a new way to live. I am searching for myself and still have not found me. So many things interest me fora while and then the interest goes away and i become restless and bored with them. Not that i lose all interest on the things i just can not do them as much as i did in the beginning. If i can learn to like me and like who i am whoever that may be then maybe i will be able to just enjoy the things without becoming bored and restless and just not doing them at all. I just do not want to try and be someone i am not just because of the people i am around and I also do not want to pretend to be interested and to like something when i do not just because i am trying to be accepted by people. the big question to me is WHO AM I? maybe I will get some enlightenment with all this and might find some real answers by taking this time of reflection and working on my inner self.
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