Free Self Help Tool. The Map..








For the majority of us moments of real happiness, at the best, are



short lived. To fall back to a state of not being unhappy is a normal,



stable, workable state of being that allows the moments of real



happiness to just happen.



If you find your normal state of being is unhappy then there is



something wrong in your life and though your unhappiness is caused



by an outside (outside of your control) influence, as I take you



through the meanings of each image you will find the path away from



unhappiness is totally under your control.



Technically, as you can see, the Map is not a map as you will know



maps to be, but with a little understanding of what the six



illustrations represent, a life journey can be planned.



Have you ever had a big life­ changing decision to make?



Did you think of, or write down, the pros and cons of the



consequences of your decision/action to give yourself something



tangible to help you make a decision?



The Map endeavours to take the idea of a pros and cons list much



further, to make tangible much more information.



Each picture depicts a place we can be mentally and emotionally in



our relationships with the world, different places for different



relationships, all at the same time.



With the Map, once understood, if we can be honest with ourselves as



to where we are in any particular troubling relationship we can then



see the steps to take to improve our situation .



There are a few rules to this type of map reading, the first, and most



important rule is that it is only for you !!



It is not possible to consider where someone else is on the Map to try



to help them.



Having said that it could be helpful for a relationship for another to



see where you feel you are in your relationship with them.



Our position in the world is defined by how we relate to everything



and everybody, how we relate to our friends, our environment, our



partner, our family, our government, our neighbours , our poverty,



our riches, our education, our boss, our workers etc. etc. Our



problems come from how all the above relates to us!



I trained as a nurse for people with learning disabilities in Liverpool



and it was during this training I gave a talk to a group of nurses and



tutors on the map, at the end of the talk I took questions and one



nurse, looking at the blackboard on which I had drawn the places of



the map, asked me “where does it start ?”



There is no start, and no end, life goes on regardless and the problems



life throws at us we rarely see coming, often we only know we have a



problem when we feel the effects of it and mostly the actual problem is



beyond our control.



With this in mind please bear with me when I say the start, new



beginnings, is at the end so we shall start at the end.



Loss, Emptiness, Broken Dreams &



New Beginnings







Emptiness describes this place, nothing but a multi platform staircase



for as far as the eye can see .



Pain and despair may have brought you here but now there is just



emptiness.



Life is precious, though the thought of starting again will be daunting



there is a way out.



Take the stairs.



Those stairs symbolise the concept of taking one small step at a time,



the platforms symbolise small goals you need to set yourself.



These goals will be different depending on your situation, the goals a



peasant women, after an earthquake, sitting on the rubble of what



used to be her home, mourning the death of her children will be very



different from the film star whose loved husband has just left her for



another woman. But either way both have to move on, slowly, step by



step.



For the peasant woman her first small step could be to make a shelter



so that she can get some sleep and enough strength to go and (take her



next step) find some clean water to keep her going until the next day



when she will need to take her next step and go find food.



The film star, though her loss is incomparable to that of the peasant



woman can feel just as empty. You cannot feel emptier than empty, and



though her steps will be very different they still have to be identified



and taken.



These two examples may seem a little extreme, maybe you just feel you



are here because life for you is just ‘OK’, you go through the motions



but its all routine, you don’t feel empty because of any loss, you just



feel empty because in your life maybe there is no feeling of purpose,



or satisfaction or creativity. Possibly downloading this Map was your



first step, taking the trouble to make a a nice poster of the Map to



remind you day to day about your life path could be the next step.



As with any place on the map there are many scenarios, only you know



how you got here and what your small steps could be, the important



thing is to identify those steps and, little by little, climb the stairs to the



next level.



Lessons will have been given but not necessarily learned here, new



beginnings are created but not necessarily carried through to the end



here, it is too early, the past is too raw .



Earlier I mentioned the map is all about you, it is now that you have to



provide for you, you are both the inner child and the outer parent,



here there is no one else to provide for you, others may be able to help



but you are the one that must get that help.



It may be cold and lifeless here like a lifeless ploughed field in the



winter but plant the seeds now and in a few months you will be in a



very different place.



Key concepts for this place,



loss



emptiness



step by step



small achievable goals



provide for yourself



understand there is a lesson to be learnt



new beginnings



Decisions, Freedom, Influence, The Future.







At the bottom right of this place is the last platform at which you will



have arrived at by taking those small steps upward, back into the



world.



This is probably the most important place on the map, it is here you



decide the structure of your future.



At this place you are free to decide for yourself, real freedom is a



strange thing, as soon as you use your freedom to decide a path



complete freedom is lost, when you commit to a future there are bills



to pay, work to be done, consequences to work through, responsibilities



to take on, all of which chip away at your freedom.



It is really worth spending a little time here bathing in your freedom



before you decide what to do next.



So what are your options?



We can take the path to the bridge and begin what looks like a very



long uncertain walk to what cannot be seen, or we can take the easier



route by going down to the jetty and getting in the boat to drift with



the current to where ever it takes us.



The Boat.



If you take another look at this place you will see the current, the



darker water, takes us through an opening to the next place we will be



discussing.



This darker water, the current, is the force of influence.



We are all affected by some form of influence, what we wear, the way



we speak, what our expectations are, our drinking habits , our beliefs.



Some influences are good for us some are most definitely bad for us.



The difference between the good and the bad influence is a good



influence shows us the path that will benefit us, the bad influence



shows us the path that will benefit the influencer.



The role of the influencer will be discussed in the next two places we



will visit and need to be read before one can fully understand this



place because the first four places to be discussed form a cycle you



may be in without realising it, this needs to be understood before you



can go forward.



There is the concept of going with the flow and there is the concept of



fighting against the flow and there is a ‘Map’ concept of taking the



bridge to walk over the flow altogether.



The bridge



The bridge, over a vast expanse of water, is your path to the future



that you have decided to construct for yourself.



This is a path into the complete unknown, or to put it another way, this



is the path away from everything you have known.



OK it is easy for me to sit here conceptualising , but what does it all



mean in the real world, ‘constructing the future’, ‘into the unknown’.



It gets worse!!



You have to believe in yourself and follow your heart, do only what



feels wholesome and maybe follow some influences that have been



good in your life.



You may be sitting at a real crossroad, a real bus station, a real



airport thinking you have just read these words but the concepts do



not exist in the real world .



I don’t blame you, I have also heard and read wishy washy concepts



that at the time blur rather than clear up the problem and yet what I



have just told you to do is 99% of parenting.



Millions of parents, every day go about constructing a future for their



children, and the only guidelines they have is what the love in their



hearts tells them and what feels wholesome and right.



To believe in yourself, to follow your heart and to only do what feels



wholesome are real concepts and with the help of the Map, the only



tools you need to get where you want to be.



You again have to be your own parent, both the inner child and the



outer parent.



Keeping with the parent child theme an example in real life of this



place would be the difference between good parenting and bad



parenting.



A good parent would lead their child to the bridge, away from bad



influences, a good parent, without knowing what the future holds for



their child has faith that they are equipping their child with all that he



or she will need to cross the bridge safely to the future.



Bad parenting would allow their child to drift in the boat from one



bad influence to another, possibly because neither parent or child



realise that a bridge to the future exists.



Earlier I spoke of the first four pictures or places where we can find



ourselves, form a cycle or a circle, though we haven’t yet described the



other two places I would like now to touch on what that circle is, the



reason being that it is this place where the circle can be broken.



As we will see further on, the two top pictures represent places where



you have value, that is, places where you value yourself and others



value you.



If you take the bridge you are valuing yourself, this may mean taking a



course, learning a trade, trying your luck in a new place, whatever it is



that you do it is something that feels wholesome for you, you are



developing your creativity for you despite what others may say, I add



despite what others may say because there always seems to be someone



who given the chance would exert their influence over you for their



benefit.



Not valuing yourself is very common, though you wouldn’t get to this



place and consciously say to yourself “I have no value” the fact that the



real creative you has never had a chance to emerge is likely to make



you feel you are not capable of crossing that long bridge so you decide



to take the boat and drift along straight back into the cycle or circle



taking you to the next place we shall discuss.



Key concepts for this place.



Decisions made by what feels wholesome



Construct your future



Freedom to be you



Influence and influencer



Valuing yourself



Not valuing yourself



Listening to what your heart tells you



Believe in yourself



Lies, Powerless, Drifting.







Here is the source of the current of influence, the rock to the left, to



the bottom right is a break in the border, the entrance through which



the current will bring you if you took the decision to get in the boat.



The current takes you off into a misty swamp, a marshland where the



mist hides the truth and the many winding channels hide the real



direction you are going .



To the middle of the picture there is another break in the border, this



is the entrance to the last picture in this cycle or circle.



If you live on a desert island, completely self sufficient, only then you



will not find yourself here.



This is the place people in power, represented by the rock, manipulate



the rest of us to live to a constraint that will keep them in power.



I am not just describing dictators, terrorists, bullies and wife beaters



they are obvious power hungry influencers.



The sayings, “kept in the dark” or “taken for a ride” describe this



place.



To be taken for a ride requires an influencer and an ‘influenced’



In real life this can be something mildly annoying like trying to get



your money back for faulty goods or services from a faceless



impenetrable bureaucracy, ranging through to life destroying incidents



like debtors hounded to the point of suicide.



In this place it not just that an act or situation is being imposed on you



it is you allowing it to be imposed by sitting in the boat going with the



flow that is controlled by your influencer, you know something is



wrong but you cant quite put your finger on what that is, this is



because with all the twists and turns of the channels in the swamp you



end up with no idea where you are, or where you stand, and if you



look for the truth all you find is a thick mist that hides it.



In the previous place I spoke of following your heart and only doing



what feels wholesome, how many times have you thought “I knew



there was something not right about that” but didn’t take any action?



Well that is what believing in yourself is all about, believing in those



feelings.



The usefulness of this picture, of seeing this place , is that instead of



going down the downward spiral in the next place, the last place of this



cycle, after the second or third unanswered call, the second or third



excuse, the first couple of attempts at manipulating you, the reaction



that makes you think your not valued or just the feeling that



something is wrong, then look at the this place and ask yourself are



you drifting through a misty marshland of lies, do they have all the



power in this situation?



If they do then it is time to get out of that boat, step into the sticky



mud and sum up all your strength to walk, step by step, back to the



bridge, away from the influencer.



In real life it will mean you saying to yourself “ I have had enough of



the truth being hidden, of not being valued, of not treading my own



path, of going with your flow, your direction, for your benefit”



As in real life, it is not that simple, do you know the difference between



wishful thinking and your heart’s intuition and are you just being



paranoid and fearful that the ‘they’ have all the power?



With an understanding of this place in some situations its so obvious



that you are in the marshlands, in other situations it is all far more



subtle .



The truth is that we have all been in this misty marshland of lies as the



victim, the influenced, and also we have all at some time been the



influencer!



The way to tell if you are being paranoid or just wishfully thinking



somehow everything will turn out for the best is to honestly ask



yourself are you , or do you aim to be, the influencer?



In the previous place I spoke of constructing your future, is the



influencer not constructing their future, of course they are, so what is



the difference?



The difference lies in the intention. To return to the parent child



analogy, every parent is capable of being an influencer, the parent



holds the power in a parent child relationship.



As an example a child comes home from school exhausted, the parent



notices the child’s tiredness and sends them to bed early, this is a



parent on the bridge leading their child to the future, the parent’s



intention is wholesome. On the other hand a parent sending their



child to bed early because the parent wants to have some grown up



time is being the influencer. (child “but why?” parent “because I say



so!”) the intention is one of benefiting the influencer.



Another example can be found in politics, many go into politics to be



influencers with the intent to use the marshland of lies to gain wealth



and exert power, but on the bridge a few honest souls in politics have



the intent to make sure that bridge to the future is well maintained for



us.



In life we all have to get stuck in, earn a living , bring up children and



every day we interact and relate with others, make choices about who



to trust and invest in that trust. A good term of reference when we are



deciding who to trust is to step back and ask ourselves are they



showing us our way on the bridge to our future for our benefit or are



they pulling us along through the marshland for their benefit?



Is your doctor a healer or a businessman/woman? Is your boss a



provider/facilitator or an influencer, does a significant other care or



do they manipulate, the difference will always be their intention.



It is hard sometimes not to be the influencer, was my website designed



to influence you into buying this PDF? Do you now feel like I am



pulling you through the marshland of lies?



Well I will tell you that what you have paid for is a lifetime of my life



experience and over ten years thought and my intention is that we can



all have a better life in this exchange.



The website and this PDF were both designed with the intention to not



be an influencer and yet promote, sell and deliver a concept.



Or am I lying??



Sorry I don’t want to confuse you, taking you one direction and then



another but I wanted to make the point that truth is what you feel it to



be not just what others tell you, what feels wholesome is your guide, it



is your guide to the truth and your guide to your path. And, if you can



believe me, this whole project feels wholesome for me.



So are you being over sensitive or paranoid? Well first I can tell you



the difference between wishful thinking and intuition, intuition more



often than not tells you what the bad things are, where as wishful



thinking only tells you what you want to hear, also intuition is felt in



the body, wishful thinking is just made up thoughts in the head, fun



but meaningless.



Now have you just read all this and think you are being paranoid



about people having power over you? Well forget what you think, take



more notice of what you feel and if you feel you are in this place then



you probably are, whether you are paranoid or not you will be right,



you will always be right, whether you are right or wrong you will



always be right, because if you were wrong it was right for you to be



wrong because you had a lesson to learn.



You are not alone, we all have lessons to learn.



Key concepts for this place.



being influenced



having no direction



not being valued



being conned



lies



giving up your power



a test for your intuition



lessons



Downward Spiral, Pain, The End.







This is the place where wishful thinking has been smashed.



Where the awful truth that the lies were hiding has been uncovered.



Or the realisation of loss.



From any part of the map we can find ourselves at the bottom of the



spiral staircase in a second, it could be a phone call, an act of nature,



an accident or an act of malice. One moment everything is or appears



to be (depending on where you are on the map) fine, the next moment,



that piece of truth, that earthquake, that landslide, that road accident



and you are here.



So there are two ways to this place, the instant calamity or the slow



progress through the marshland to the edge and then metaphorically



pushed down the steps by your influencer.



As there is not a lot we can do about the instant calamity let us take a



look at the area we can do something about and that is the influencer.



Here there is the base of the rock , the power, the influencer, and next



to it is a slimy dripping spiral staircase, in fact it is a one way staircase



going down!



The influencer is very powerful, very solid and immovable but it has



one vulnerability, the moment you touch it the influencer’s power



dissolves so it will fight to the end to prevent you touching it.



The closer you get to the influencer the closer you will get to being



thrown away down the stairs.



There are some rare exceptions, some tenacious souls have found a



way through the marshlands above and instead of arriving here have



managed to touch and destroy the influencer.



The 1970s era Pulitzer prize journalists Woodward and Bernstein are



a good example of the exception. Their fight to discover the truth led



to the forced resignation of the then USA President Nixon. For more



information ‘google’ Watergate or/and Woodward and Bernstein



But for most of us we neither have the strength or the resources to



‘touch’ our influencers. It would have been better to have turned your



back on the influencer in the marshland but for what ever reason you



believed your influencer, blindly ran towards the influencer with open



arms but just before you were able to embrace your influencer you



found yourself at the bottom of the spiral staircase.



An example of arriving here would be the first an unsuspecting spouse



finds out there is something wrong with their marriage is that



moment of horror and disbelief when out of the blue they receive the



divorce papers!



Jimi Hendrix’s ‘Castles Made of Sand’ tells of a girl about to commit



suicide­



‘There was a young girl, who’s heart was a frown



Cause she was crippled for life,



And she couldn’t speak a sound



And she wished and prayed she could stop living,



So she decided to die



She drew her wheelchair to the edge of the shore



And to her legs she smiled you wont hurt me no more



But then a sight she’d never seen made her jump and say



Look a golden winged ship is passing my way



And it really didn’t have to stop, it just kept on going…



And so castles made of sand slips into the sea, eventually’



We don’t know if the ‘golden winged ship’ cured her or if it was



symbolic of her being taken to heaven.



For a discussion on the meaning of these lyrics see ­



http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=5478



I believe that the castle she had built out of sand was the plan to



commit suicide, I believe Hendrix meant when he said



‘But then a sight she’d never seen made her jump and say



Look a golden winged ship is passing my way’



was that in her moment of despair she saw something beautiful.



I don’t believe she was cured physically, golden winged ships don’t



exist, I do believe Hendrix meant emotionally, in a moment, the



cripple girl saw the beauty of life, saw, despite her disabilities that



there was value in her being and symbolically the sight she saw



washed the despair away from her heart.



The golden winged ship didn’t stop and neither did her disability, all



that changed was a shift in her outlook on life.



I mention the cripple girl to try to to paint a picture of the despair that



one can feel here, this is the place that people consider suicide as an



option to escape this place, people who have committed suicide have



felt this is the only option here but they were wrong.



A couple of times I have spoken of both being the parent and the child



and parenting the child within you, conversely here it is possible to be



both the influenced and your influencer. If you are telling yourself



suicide is the way out of this place then you are trying to influence



yourself, pulling yourself through a marshland of lies, hiding the real



truth in a mist of emotional despair.



Here is the end of the four picture cycle, NOT the end of your life.



Below is the url for listings of helplines and centres throughout the



world helping those considering suicide or suffering with depression



http://www.befrienders.org/support/helplines.asp



From here as the initial shock turns to numbness you arrive at the



bottom of the metal stairs where we started, the place of loss and



emptiness, the place of broken dreams but most importantly the place



of New Beginnings .



And so we complete the lower cycle or circle that you may be in for the



first time or may be back in again and again.



Life in this cycle is hard and sometimes painful but there are two other



places to be in on this map away from this vicious circle of pain, loss,



having no direction or value, lets return to the bridge to the future



and decide to never get in that boat again, and walk our own path on



the bridge to the future, to the next place on the Map.



Key concepts for this place.



Shock realisation of loss and finality



getting too close to the influencer



thoughts of suicide



the end of something for you



the end of the cycle



Letting Go, Forgiveness, Closure







After a hard long walk, along the bridge to the future you will arrive



at this place.



As I said before in real life you may have been trying your luck in a



different area, doing a course, learning a skill or trade or maybe you



remained living in the same place, staying at the same job, keeping the



same social circle but importantly made small wholesome changes to



your life, your changes for you.



There is a misconception about ‘living life to the full’, when I hear that



phrase it is usually describing someone with lots of money who is



spending it unsustainably on short term pleasure.



To really live life to the full you have to create. You have to invest in



your creativity to live life to the full sustainably. Developing our



creativity is how we develop our personal growth and how we can



value ourselves and how others can value us.



It doesn’t matter what you do all that matters is that you do



something, something that feels wholesome. Wholesome doesn’t mean



it has to be safe and boring, it just means that it metaphorically tastes



good and is nourishing, or to use another phrase, it doesn’t leave a bad



taste in your mouth! You don’t even have to be good at what you do



you just have to do it and enjoy it.



To have reached this point you will have been developing your



creativity and will value yourself but to carry on your path to the



future in sight you will benefit by a short stop at this place.



You have come a long way, now you can see the end of the bridge, just



past the bridge is a path that goes through a valley between the fertile



hills ahead, a path to walk to turn a good future into a good present.



But before the end of the bridge we can see an island with a faint path



going down to the water,’s edge, you need to walk that path before



getting to your future.



If you used the Map to get here, most probably you will still be



carrying some of the darker past with you, short of being given a



lobotomy there is no way to delete the past from your memory, even if



we could we would also delete those hard learned lessons which we



certainly do not want to do.



From here on your life, or your input into your life, should be balanced



and informed, we have to discard any influence from the past that will



confuse or put you off balance.



So what exactly are we going to do?



To help define something vague it helps to look at what its opposite is,



the opposite to this place is getting revenge! A past incident has so



taken over your thoughts and emotions that you want someone to pay



and you will do anything to make them pay, your mission in life is to



make them pay, there was an incident, you were the influenced they



were the influencer and now you want revenge by turning the tables, if



not in reality, certainly in your mind, day in day out you scheme. But



take a look at the map, do you really want to become the influencer?



Forever stuck solidly in the ground in a place of pain and suffering,



looking out over a swamp?



We don’t want to remove the memories, we don’t want to remove the



lessons learnt but we do want to remove the angst that the memories



produce



Closure, letting go, and forgiveness are all about closing the book of



the past releasing the angst, lightening the load so life can move on, but



how is it done?



When doing research for the Map the image for letting go most used



on the internet was a pretty girl with her arms outstretched and a dove



or butterfly flying away, for forgiveness there was mostly religious



themes and for closure there didn’t seem to be anything helpful.



Everything here in the map is from my experience of travelling with



the map, I have experienced religious forgiveness which worked great



but didn’t last because I lost faith in the religion, having said that if



you are of a religion that embraces forgiveness I thoroughly



recommend you discuss it with them.



I am not sure there is a difference between closure and letting go, but



for me the image for closure and letting go would be dancing at a



rave!!



I didn’t add a ‘raving’ image because it was too specific to me but



that is how I achieved letting go and closure. I danced out my angst.



I would let the thoughts come and go, let the feelings flow over me, let



the rhythm move my body.



As I danced through the night, in my mind, my past was replayed,



sadness, happiness, regrets, pain, guilt, lost love, hate evaporating in



the heat and sweat and sound.



Dancing through the night, dancing out of my own darkness into the



light of a new dawn.



I give this example to show that the concepts of forgiveness, closure



and letting go are very real things and are not just intangible mumbo



jumbo.



I mentioned earlier I didn’t think there was a difference between



letting go and closure but I do believe there is a difference between



forgiveness and the other two, for example the parents of a child gone



missing, for them closure and letting go may mean the abandonment



of the child, something they could never think of doing, but forgiveness



is something they could consider to help them move on with their lives



while at the same time not abandoning hope for the return their



missing child.



At times the map has surprised me with its truth, when I was writing



the description of the previous place I realised that this place is the



place of a controversial practise, legal in some countries, and a



practise I have no views on worth writing but this place is also the



place of assisted suicide.



The dying patient of sound mind and balanced emotion who wants to



take control of their inevitable death, to save themselves maybe a



month or two of intense pain, tie up any loose ends and say goodbye to



their families, and importantly to facilitate forgiveness, letting go and



closure for their informed family.



As in all places within the map, your particular circumstances will



dictate your particular actions that need to be taken, you will have to



find your own way down the path to the water’s edge to forgive , to let



go and get closure.



Key concepts for this place.



Keeping the memory, removing the angst



Letting go



forgiveness



closure



Seeing the beauty in Life







This is the place to be, if you have arrived here then you have arrived



at your future . Its not an exotic holiday destination, no money in the



world can buy this place, neither is it an unattainable dream world,



this place is in your back yard, in a smile in a kind word.



This is not really a place as the others are its more a level of personal



development .



To get here takes hard work, I cannot tell you what your future holds



for you but its all there behind those green hills, at the end of the



bridge along that path through the valley, this place is the other side of



the green hills, think of it as weekend away from day to day living that



takes place behind those hills, there you are sat under the tree



watching the sunrise.



This place in reality may be the exact same place you were living when



you were in the misty marsh or climbing your way step by step out of



your emptiness, the difference is now you can see beauty in the life



around you.



If you can feel the beauty , and I don’t mean to intellectually see



something could be seen as beautiful, I mean actually feel it, to be



actually touched by its beauty, then you have learned how not to be



unhappy.



And if you have learned how to not be unhappy, you live in the potential



to be happy at every opportunity life can give you.



Key concept for this place.



To have the ability to see and feel the beauty in life.



How to Use the Map as a Map.



As an example as to how to use the map I thought it would be



interesting to type into my search engine ‘the most asked question



ever’ and use whatever came up here, the first question that seemed



mildly usable was ‘what is the meaning of life?’



Hmmm I thought, if the map can tell us that then maybe I should up



the price a few euros!!



So I put some music on and sat looking at the map asking it to tell me



what the meaning of life is.



The map is about all the places in life we can find ourselves, the dark



places as well as the light places with all the shades of grey between, as



I looked at the map it became obvious that the meaning of life is that



you and me actually have one, a life that is.



In fact its the wrong question, the real question is does life have



meaning? For me looking at the map now, in some places on the map



one could really be forgiven for thinking ‘my life has no meaning’ but



those places are transitional, even if in real life you can see no way out



from those places the map shows there is a path away that finally leads



to the top left hand place, sitting under the tree marvelling at the



beauty of the sunrise. I guess another way to put it is that the meaning



of life is living life through the ups and the downs until you get to the



point where you can see the beauty in life, at which point the meaning



of life is irrelevant, just a silly question you have no need of asking.



This isn’t the best example of how the map was designed to be used but



it is what life gave me to work with as opposed to me picking a subject



that I may be biased towards. So how did the map tell me the answer I



have given? Very simply, within the question ‘what is the meaning of



life?’ my mind immediately jumped to the thought that it would only



be the influencer, possibly a harsh dictator who would act as if life had



no meaning (everyone else’s life that is). As we know the influencer is



only out to get what it can from us to sustain it and never tells the



truth, therefore the real truth must be in ‘normal life’, life itself has



value and meaning.



Coming to the conclusion life does have meaning how did the map



define that meaning?



The whole map is about carrying on living through life’s adversities to



achieve the potential of happiness from which I deduced the meaning



of life is simply just to live.



Then I pictured myself seeing and feeling the beauty of life and it just



seemed that having achieved that joy the question itself would be



completely irrelevant.



As I said the above is not the best of examples so, though of course



biased towards the workings of the map, here is another example



which shows the strengths and the weakness of the Map.



Whether you are single, a parent, an adult or a child the next example



will be easy to understand.



Your child comes home from school, clothes torn, in tears and runs



straight to his or her room and locks the bedroom door. You stand



outside calling them until eventually they let you in, you eventually



find out they have been suffering for weeks at school being bullied



which has ended up with them being roughed up.



Probably your first reaction is one of anger, so if we take a look at the



place for anger on the map what do we see? Ooops there is no place for



anger on the map!!



Metaphorically and in reality there is no place for anger on the Map.



That is not to say you will not be angry in any of the places on the



map, what has to be understood is that to use the map one needs some



degree of rationality, and anger is not the best place to make the



rational decisions you need to make.



So a couple of hours later the shock has gone and you realise



something has to be done so you look at the map to see where your



child could be on the map to help them deal with this problem. Ooops



cant be done, the first rule of this type of map reading is it is only for



you.



This highlights a problem in the way we live and a weakness in the



Map. I do not believe children would have any problem understanding



and using the Map, their problem is that they are more or less



completely powerless to change anything.



It would empower a child if the parent or significant other sat down



with the child and the map and really listened to the child when they



pointed out where they felt they were on the map and why . In this case



the parent or significant other would act as a facilitator to empower



the child’s decision making.



For any children or young adults reading this who feel in need for



some outside help at the bottom of this link is in alphabetical order



worldwide child lines, for example just click ‘U’ to take you to a



selection of UK child line help centres.



http://www.childhelplineinternational.org/en/network/members



So to return to our example, to sum up, you know the map is only



about you, you know the situation is effecting you and your family and



you know you have to do something to sort out the situation.



You look at the Map and it dose not take long to realise the pain you



feel is being inflicted by the bully, the influencer. You may feel you are



in the marshland or you may feel you are about to be pushed down the



downward spiral stairs or maybe you feel you are at the bottom of the



stairs either way it becomes obvious that it is the influencer who has



taken control.



Now in reality what we have here is a mass of complicated inter



relationships going on, there is the bully, why do they bully? Why did



they pick on your child? Will action make it worse? Will the



authorities help? Will the authorities themselves try to take you



through the marshlands? Does the bully need a stronger force to



control them as in punishing, if so what would that be?



If you think like this then your brain will probably explode and you



will be no use to anyone!!!!



Look at the map, for this example’s sake we will say you feel you are



just about to be pushed down the downward spiral.



When you hand your child to the school they have the responsibility to



take reasonable care of your child, you have to trust this is the case.



I’m afraid if the authorities knew how to deal with bullying there



wouldn’t be any bullying, as we know this is not the case.



So you look at the map, the influencer has all the power and you are



about to be pushed down the downward spiral, what do you do?



You have two choices, touch the influencer to destroy them, remember



the influencer is stuck in the worse place on the map looking out over a



swamp, maybe it would be possible to touch them (the opposite to



punishing), to touch their heart to destroy the influencer inside of the



them. The second choice is to get out of the boat and into the sticky



mud and with great effort step by step carry your child back to the



bridge.



The boat represents the trust you put in the school authorities who



have let you down. Carrying your child back to the bridge would be



representative of putting your child in a better run school.



I am not suggesting you need the map to have made the decision to



change schools. I am not suggesting you invite the bully round for tea,



I am not suggesting changing schools would be easy or in fact even be



the answer.



The real answer could only be found if it was a real situation you were



really in, only you would know the full facts and how you felt, and of



how it effected you.



What I am trying to show is that the map would have an answer to



your problem.



Your problem solved would solve your child’s problem.



This example raises a question, am I suggesting running away is



always the answer? You may be asking are there not times one has to



just stay, stand up for ourselves, show a bit of back bone, show a bit of



strength, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and just get on with it?



Of course I am not saying running away is always the answer, but I am



saying its better to run towards a better future than it is to be stuck in



an unfulfilled past.



Admittedly standing up to the influencer from the beginning may have



solved a future problem but the Map is for all those times in your life



you just don’t have the necessary resources to do that.



Reading the map is simple, intuitive, bring your question to the map



honestly, locate your present place in whatever the problem you have,



once you know where you are then you can plan your way forward,



knowing where you are is the second rule of this type of map reading



(the first being it is only for you, it is not possible to read the map for



someone else)



Honestly locating where you are is the key to success with the map,



and is the most difficult part of reading the map, if the truth is you



have got where you are through something you are not proud of it will



not help you to hide this from yourself, for example possibly you tried



but failed to exert your control over others which has left you feeling



no one likes you when in fact it is just that the others really don’t want



to be controlled.



Sometimes your problem will be because you were the influencer,



sometimes it will be guilt telling you that you were the influencer when



the real truth is you had no choice.



If you are honest with yourself (which is why you cannot read the map



for some one else) the map will help you make the next move.



After reading this you will have a ‘flavour’ of each place just relax and



look at the map, sometimes an answer will be automatic, other times



you may want a week or so to think about your situation on the map,



let your mind and heart ‘jam’ (as in jazz) with the map and see where



it takes you, you can’t really go wrong.



Good Luck



I wish you a wonderfully wholesome future.



Steve Dove





The Map by Steve Dove is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.